Need for Speed Racing Games

this's the post i said i would post in the sometimes u need a laugh thread. The first 2 are;as the R&T article says "the first rule of car guy-dom,the rest are from the same article and from jeff foxworthy but are what the title of this thread says.

Rules of Car Guy-Dom:1: u change your own oil
2: u change your own oil.

that's the 2 rules that the article had.


Signs that u might be a car guy.

1: You pick up the morning paper and headline reads," Alien Death Ray incinerates millions." You set the front page down for later reading and go straight to a Sears insert that says,"Presidents Day Craftsman Tool Sale."
2: You've owned at least one brand of car your local insurance agent has never heard of and u have to spell it twice. Or 3 times , in the case of the Innocenti Mini Matic T1000.
3:There was no way on earth u would miss the opening night of a Clint Eastwood movie called Gran Torino regardless of content.
4: You have a whole drawer filled with cruddy ,slightly rusty "take-off" hose clamps, which u will never use again.Unless u have to get an engine running at midnight when all the autoparts stores are closed.
5: U have neighbors who wonder why u can never get a rebuilt engine running before midnight. And why the garage doors have to be open...
6: you spend Sundays watching 3 different types of racing on Speed Channel, and on Monday morning somebody at the office says," How about them Bears?" and u don't know if he's talking about football or a fire in Yellowstone.
7:u own a "cherry picker" engine hoist that's all spattered with overspray from a defective nozzle on a can of chrome-aluminum spray paint that also hit your Cobra poster.
8:the left fingertips on the rubber glove in your bead-blasting cabinet are all worn away from holding small carb linkage parts. Your fingertips on your hand don't look so good either.
9: Jay Leno's garage seems like and island of enlightment and perfect sanity in a world gone mad.
10: Opening a velvet-lined micrometer case creates the exactly the same rush of endorphins in your brain as lifting the lid on a plush-lined case of containg a triple-pickup Les paul Custom.
11:all your blue jeans have a hole in the left knee because your you have a hole in the left knee of your coveralls.
12: your air compresser is slightlly larger than the refridgerator in your house.
13: the only time u use unprintable foul launguage is when your alone in the workshop and something goes wrong. Which is about every 5 minutes.
14: in just looking at classifieds, you can entertain notions of buying a big-block Corvette, a short wheelbase Land Rover, a suicide-door Continenntal ,or an MG TC all in the same brain.
15: your bench grinder pedestal is permantlly bolted to the floor.
16: there is no day to bad that the sight of a buff-colored issue of Hemmings in your mailbox doesn't dissolve all worldly cares.
17: you are on a first name basis with the only guy in the county who knows how to rebuild Dynaflow and Hydra-Matic automatic transmissions.
18: u own more than 1 floor jack.
19: the electrical parts drawer in your toolbox contains 2 high-performance Lucas Sport Coils that look brand new, but u honestlly can't remember if they're new spares or if u took them off a race car that was misfiring. So u never use them and u never throw them out.
20: you're starting to think maybe a real car guy should have a coil tester.
21: you go to the hardware store to buy two 7/16 grade-8 locknuts and walk out with a box of 100, because, "it's always good to stock up."
22: you own at least one Nomex racing suit that you've "outgrown" and one or more helmets with expired Snell stickers,preferblly from another century.
23: when u go house hunting with a realtor u automaticlly reject any home without room to park a car trailer-or at least a place to hide one if it's one of those upscale neighborhoods where zoning laws are concocted to keep out people just like you.
24: half the money u earned in your 20's went to a man in a Snap-On tool truck.
25: you have a surprising number of friends whose children are named for the legendary members of Team Lotus.
26: you privatlly believe that a cheap or insubstantial tool box reflects a kind of spiritual malaise in the owner.
27: you never completlly bond with a dog that doesn't enjoy car rides and sticking its head out the window.
28: you own several combination wrenches which have been heated to a cherry red with your oxy-acetylene torch and bent to perform specials tasks now forgotten.
29: you have a wall locker in your garage containing at least 8 cans of motor oil, all of different brands and viscosities ( synthetic, non-synthetic, straight 50 wt. racing, etc.), left over from past oil changes where u bought 1 extra can "just in case".
30: you imagine that someday u might have an old beater of such low status that it won't bother u to mix brands and viscosities while doing an oil change. That day never comes.

Those are it. They aren't funny but they are good, I mean they came from Jeff Foxworthy, so they somewhat are funny on a low scale. But enjoy, maybe some of them fit u. Only a few of them fit me but i'm 17 so i have years to complete all of them.