happy you guys did enjoy it as much as i did - really made me laugh out loud. lol almost everyone who's ever been married probably remembers such or similar situations (well, not so much the sheep.thing, you know what i mean!)...

just, that most of us wouldn't be brave enough to do that (at least i never was) - again, i do NOT mean the sheep.thing, i mean saying out loud what we actually think.

happy easter to you guys - i know we've a few to go until then but i'm away for business in munich from tomorrow on and since the beergarden.season is about to start i'm just not sure when i'll be sober again.

viva la weissbier!
greets, rene

edit: just to make sure, for the very last time...

"i want you to listen to me... i want to say that again... i did not have a sexual relation with that sheep, mrs. dolly"

Just want to congratulate Tiger on his victory today. Can't wait for the Masters.

Tiger's a member here?

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you re-marry?"

After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you re-married," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want
it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you re-married, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to
last a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you re-married, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

He, he, that was funny Z06

A small dilemna............

You're playing for your club championship against the best player in the club, who has won it for the last 5 years.

It's the 18th tee and you're down one......

Your opponent hits a long drive into the woods, so you play it safe and hit a shorter, but straighter drive into the fairway.... leaving you about 185 yards to the pin.

Being a good sportsman, you help your opponent search for his ball so he won't lose his shot to the 5 minute rule.

After a few minutes of fruitless search, your opponent says " look, why don't you play your shot, and if you get it close to the pin, I'll just concede the hole......"

Sounds good to you, so after careful concentration and mental rehearsal, you manage to fly your shot to within 6 inches of the pin..


As you're walking up the fairway toward the green, you hear a "click" and then the whiz of a ball, which flies out of the woods, lands, and ends up 6 inches from the green...



So, here's the dilemna....................... do you keep your mouth shut and lose the match with grace? ..... or do you reach into your pocket and show that cheating SOB that that's not his ball!!!!??

Otto---excellent!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7FdqtRt6lcs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JK3wMFiSq8U

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?

TEACHER:
To get to the other side.

ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

ANDERSEN, PLATINUM OR SAP R/3 CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical
distribution strategy and implementation process.Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Anderson helped the chicken use it's skills,
methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within
a Program Management framework.

BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000 (with integrated
Internet Seed Explorer), which will not only cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
have to cross the road for you to believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken DID NOT cross
the road.

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was the chicken doing wandering around all over
the place anyway?"

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it
is, "Who is crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:
Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

BILL CLINTON:
Let me say this one more time. I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chicken, crossin' roads in peace.

TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out why.

WORF:
Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road!

A woman taking golf lessons just started her 1st round but was stung by a bee!
She raced to the clubhouse and her golf pro asked why she was back so early.
She told him of the sting.
"Where did it sting you?"
She said, "Between the 1st & 2nd hole."
He nodded and said, "Then your feet are too far apart."

Here is some Kid's book titles that never made it
1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Lee

4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly.

12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says your kind isn't aloud here.
The mushroom says why not, I'm a Fungi

I woke up in the middle of the night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed .

At first I was I afraid , then I was petrified.